I Remember
by taxidamask
Summary: After much reflecting, Eren writes a final letter to Levi to get his emotions in order and to receive some closure. Check out the sequel for this story on ao3! archiveofourown . org/works/19193053


Hey, Levi.

It's been a while, huh. Do you remember when I would write you these letters and hide them around to put you in a good mood? It was funny to see your reaction. You'd always yell at me that I was wasting paper that had to be rationed, but deep down I knew you loved it. I'd catch you smiling at them every once in a while. I remember seeing your body after what Zeke did and was afraid I'd never see you again. But I did.

Or do you remember that lifetime when I'd patiently wait for that online bubble to light up green every day? I would be so excited to tell you about my day and ask you about yours. Do you remember the first time you stopped replying, though? It seemed like I waited forever to one reply. But it never came. You moved on. And after a while, I realized I should too. It hurt being ghosted. And it still hurts lifetimes later.

Do you remember that time you were my boss and you hired me? I saw a look of fear and shock in those grey eyes when I applied. You thought I didn't remember the time you tried getting rid of me. But I did. I always remembered. I was the klutzy kid in that life. I always spilled your tea and mismanaged your schedule. But you never hated me for that. You never fired me. You just silently rejected me. I remember the time I sent you flowers on Valentine's Day in that lifetime. I sent them to you Levi, not the trash can.

Do you remember that lifetime when we worked at the same hospital? Once in a while, I'd go to buy myself a cup of coffee and I'd buy you one too. The walk from my department to your's was so long but worth it. You'd take it from my hand, but later on I'd see a different person holding the cup that had Levi written on it.

Do you remember when you met my dad? He stopped by your flower shop in that lifetime to buy roses for the other women. I remember finding out and sobbing my eyes out in that store, blaming you when you were innocent and had no part. But you didn't say a word of comfort to me. You didn't even acknowledge me. I should've given up on you at this point.

Do you remember when you were my teacher in another lifetime? I'd leave little notes on my homework assignments for you to read when grading them. I hope they brought a smile onto your face. I think you really needed those in that lifetime. It seemed like you were going through a lot.

And worst of all, do you remember when you got married and I was the photographer your husband hired? You tried stopping him. But he was dead set on me. I don't think I ever cried so hard in bed after the wedding night. I was sitting there, brooding in jealousy and anger. But most importantly, I was sad. What did he have that I didn't? I've been with you for countless lifetimes now and I should've been the one who said "I Do" up there. Not him.

We've lived many lives and have been reincarnated many times. But we always found our way back to each other. And you'd always reject me. I remember the pain you caused me. It felt like you were trying to break the reincarnation cycle and we're trying to forget me. Trying to move on without me.

It felt like you saw the worst moments of my lives. It felt like every life I've lived, tragedy struck. And you didn't even try to talk to me. You would just watch. You lurked in the shadows. But you would remember me. I'm sure of it. You had to remember me.

But then it stopped. It stopped because I stopped chasing you. I stopped buying you cups of coffee, asking about your day, leaving little notes. Do you remember I never found anyone?

Could you imagine if we never got reincarnated and met? You would've had a normal life and not have been chased by someone so desperate. And I regret it. I regret not giving you the happiness you deserved in all those lives. I regret being a bother most of the time.

Most importantly, I regret not putting myself first. I regret chasing you because I never got the chance to heal. I never got the chance to truly discover myself. To find anyone else to love. I was too damn hung up on the same person and it pained me most of all. But I never focused on me or my feelings because I didn't want to be selfish.

We've had many lifetimes together. Our lives always seemed to intertwine just like how I wish our fingers would. I remember the forever empty space next to me in bed. The space nobody can replace. I remember you Levi. Do you remember me?

Eren


End file.
